| grrr. |
[Nov. 5th, 2005|10:32 am] |
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it's nice to see everyone's lives going on and folks looking so good! i am feeling pretty crappy these days b/c i can't seem to let go of the nausea and fatigue of my last hospital stay, even after a blood transfusion. makes it hard to want to keep fighting this thing. but how can i not, with supergalore and all my great friends fighting for me? |
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| Fatshionista |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|11:24 pm] |
I clicked on Victorias Secret new flannel pajamas. If they came in my size I would buy them, even for $50. Bertha are you on this list? Anyone? These prints are fun! I like wearing pj's that are comfy AND sexy, or at least not sloppy looking. check http://www2.victoriassecret.com/ under "vj flannel pajama".
xxxl hm |
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| this is for fattest |
[Oct. 6th, 2005|10:15 am] |
she knows i never answer these, but i'm too sick to lay down, read a book, or listen to music, so what i have left is this.
7 Firsts
*First Best Friend: Ann Marie Ear, St. Barbara's Catholic School
*First Boyfriend: N.A. No, I"m NOT a 'gold star' lesbian for chrissake, I just never had a boyfriend!
*First Screen Name: who cares?
*First Piercing: ears in 2nd grade. nose in 1986. and beyond.....
*First Crush: Donny Osmond.
*First Music: something from Sesame Street, surely...or old Xmas tunes.
*First Car: 1978 Pontiac Firebird. Oh, yeah.
7 Lasts...
*Last Cigarette: Before I started this last chemo, so about 2 weeks ago or so.
*Last alcoholic beverage: The most delicious red wine in Napa Valley at a wine tasting, my friends bought me a bottle! Very pricey but worth it!
*Last Car Ride: Jukie (who is actually pretty attractive to str8 men, I find), drove me to the bank and Walgreens and back.
*Last Girlfriend: Um...don't know if I've ever had a "girlfriend" either.
*Last Movie Seen: hmm, something w/Tina, what was it....a documentary?...must not have been too memorable...
*Last Phone Call: Jukie, to tell her she was on Bravo.
*Last CD Played: Some British comedian. My CD player has been gone but my friend sent me a personal stereo (aka walkman) so I'm happy for that.
6 Have You Evers...
*Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends: oh hell no.
*Have You Ever Broken the Law: yes
*Have You Ever Been Arrested: yes
*Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: chunky dunked
*Have You Ever Been on TV: oh yes.
*Have You Ever Been in love: Nope, can't say as I have, although I've still managed to get my heart broken...how do I get all the yuck w/o all the yum?
5 Things...
*5 Things You're Wearing: black leggings, candye kane tshirt, black hoodie, black flipflops, cateye glasses
*5 Things You've Done Today: set up my new cd player, taken pain pills, brushed my teeth, vomited, got online...maybe I should repeat step 3 now, eh?
*5 Things You Can't Live Without: other than food/water? community, touch, mental stimulation, laughter
*5 places You've Been: top of Coba', Mexico's tallest pyramid; bicycling the 3,000 y.o. Mayan jungle, inside the River Rouge plant in the old days; between my best friend's thighs (it wasn't a date!), naked in front of Leonard Nimoy
*5 Things You'd Never Do Willingly: never say never, I have to agree....
4 favorite things In NO Order
*1. good food and company
2. hot sex and company
3. being out in nature, warm, and happy
4. being the center of positive attention
3 People You Can Tell *Almost* Anything To
*1. Sossity
2. Tina
3. Sondra (cuz she's a lawyer ;) )
2 Choices...
*1. Black or Pink: black
*2. Hot or Cute: Hot. I tried cute but no one believed me.
1 Thing You Want to Do Before you die:
*1. travel and stay in the Middle East. |
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| Surprise--fatphobia on butch-femme.com!! |
[Oct. 5th, 2005|07:58 pm] |
Like I don't have enough problems already...WARNING If you are not up for reading fatphobic bullshit, just skip this little missive. Seriously.
I'm not even going to go in to just how fucked up this is, what I went through when I decided to answer, or all of that mess....just FYI, I'm technically not in the market--I'm a little too sick to be much company at the moment--but this nimrod saw my profile and contacted me first. I obviously am MacDiva in this little exchange. This is from today. Oh, and this is in order--it gets worse as you read farther.
From Frankie2UBabe
A "Virtual Kiss"
Truncated version of Frankie's profile; I added space around for emphasis.
Appearance
I am 5'7 fit body not over weight, I am told my best
features are my smlie, eyes and hands......:)
Looking for
Who I Want to Meet: someone beautiful enough on the outside
to capture my attention but beautiful enough on the inside
to keep it.... Definately a Femme no butches. I would have
to say what wins my heart is the level of compassion and
kindness in a person heart....:) Also Honesty is a must,
strait forward people i really appreciate. A total deal
breaker for me is being mislead or lied too so please don't
bother.
Must be fit not over weight recent pic's only
please.
Also must be a woman who is mentally stimulating
and cares about something more than what she is
wearing....lol And please NO Flakes, drugs, abusive
behavior, no naristic type, Definatly NO MEAN PEOPLE! or
women who disappear without a word or don't know what they
want or can't communicate there needs clearly. In other
words Grow Up's Only please..:)
From: MacDiva
Perhaps you meant someone else....your portfolio clearly states that you don't want someone who you call "overweight" (a bad term to begin with) and my profile clearly states that I am not only Rubenesque, but that I am smaller on top and bigger on the bottom. I included two nearly-full body photos; I don't know how much clearer I need to be, but I'm obviously not your type.
> > >
> > > In the future, you might want to use the word "slender" or "slim" in your ad to describe who you ARE looking for, rather than offending the rest of us by saying who you are not looking for.
> > >
> > > MacDiva
From: Frankie2UBabe
> > well nice to see even more women in SF who are up tight and just flat out mean bitches..... have a nice day.....
From: MacDiva
> If standing up for myself when I've been insulted is being a bitch, then more power to me. I'm not uptight, I'm just right. And if anyone is mean around here, it's the person who says they don't want to date a fat chick (oh excuse me...an overweight one) and then singles one out to contact. Wait a moment...that's not mean...that's just stupid.
>
> Your sarcasm and ignorance at getting busted out only show that I was right in responding to you the way that I did. Which I did NOT with nasty attacks, but with honesty. Hope for your sake you can learn to hear the truth someday.
>
> Please don't bother me again.
>
> MacDiva
>
> >
From: Frankie2UBabe
Date: 10/05/2005 09:39
Subject: Re: Re: Re: A kiss?
Message: i never insulted you, you took that on your self obviously you have serious problem and should seek help and i am more than allowed to say i do not want to date seriously over weight women and yes you right i did not see your ass shot or i would not have contacted you but again i am not a mean person such as yourself so get over it and try not to be so mean and defensive......
the reason i put that in my ad was because a women lied to me and sent me someone else pic's and not of her self and she weighed at least 300 pounds and NO i am not attracted to that hmmmmm wonder why?
TA DA The End. Of my correspondence w/this idiot. |
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| for Fatshionistas |
[Sep. 20th, 2005|12:11 am] |
OK so I couldn't figure out a way to send this to JUST fatshionista types w/o boring all my other LJ friends, so sorry so sue me.
Inspired by bornbent (as I often am in the ways of fashion) I wanted to let you know I have a pair of Size 11 (yes, that's ELEVEN!) black dress/dance shoes. Brand new, NEVER WORN, brand name Hispanitas, retail for $120 or so. The wedge heel makes them sexy AND comfortable for a person who wears a size 11, rather NARROW shoe. Make me a reasonable offer and they're yours. Normally I don't bother selling stuff, I just donate it, but I'm broke and I want these to go to a fat babe. go ahead and email me at macallisterotr@yahoo.com b/c the email I use for lj isn't often checked. Thanks loves.
XXXL, Heather |
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| Need LA tips please. |
[Sep. 6th, 2005|05:50 pm] |
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OK Big Burleque is going on yet ANOTHER tour if you can believe that, and we have TWO DATES IN LOS ANGELES! and one in San Diego, and one in Phoenix--all with CANDYE KANE AND PHAT MAN DEE! I don't have too many connections in SoCal so please if you can direct me I'd love it! I have a day off and a night off. |
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| responding |
[Aug. 30th, 2005|01:26 pm] |
ok so my lj is connected to my hotmail acct. which i never use anymore except to give out when one is required, so infrequently checked. thanks for the hello's, and i might should be adding on my various friends once i figure it out and make time to do that.
not coming to PDX this month, but AM going on a minitour w/Candye Kane and PhatMandee from Pittsburgh. LA, San Diego, PHX |
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| photo up |
[Aug. 27th, 2005|12:38 am] |
after a year of LJ and exactly ONE post, my pal Kelli Dunham has helped me resize my photo so I can actually us it on here. Sorry for the glam, it's the only one I have. Imagine me in sweats if you must.
XXXL, Heather |
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| hmmmm....long and luscious posting |
[May. 22nd, 2004|09:40 am] |
I really don't know if it makes sense to keep posting here when frankly, I don't have time to write anything different than I do on lovetroopers. Most of my lj friends are on lovetroopers, and those who are not I can read you here w/o posting. Comments?
XXXL, HM
Hello all. Am dividing this post for your convenience.
Good news: I got Medi-cal!!!!!!! Finally! I have to pay for this round of post-chemo meds, but they're not super expensive, and then I will have my card. Naturally, there is a snafu b/c it's not retroactive far enough, so I have to call and try to work that out. As in, not far enough to cover the surgery. D'oh, that's the $100,000 hospital bill, hello?? But from here on out I'm legit. Next stop: Social Security Administration to apply for disability. It's a non-stop thrill ride of bureaucracy, who dares to join me? No height requirement (as in, you must be at least this tall to ride this ride.)
Help needed: This is post-chemo week, so I expect to be feeling less than fantastic and could really use help w/COOKING DINNER or even lunch. Also if it is raining, a RIDE TO/FROM ST. LUKES would be appreciated (I need injections--oops, that;s for the medical part) but I have to go in every day this coming business week. If it's not raining I usually walk. No, no, it's good for me, my oncologist said so!
Do you love EBAY? If so, would you be willing to sell some stuff on EBAY of mine? I have some totally collectible dolls and now is the time. Even w/o the hysterctomy, it's clear that I'm not going to have children to pass them on to, nor is that the gift I would necessarily want to pass on. Let me know if you can help me out with this.
Do you read COMIC BOOKS? Are you willing to do a little research project to find out the value of some very collectible comics in my possession? then take them to a comic book dealer (there is one in my neighborhood)? Or willing to do one part but not the other?
SHOPPING: I want a bathing suit for Fat Fest this weekend, and I would really like company on this potentially horrifying excursion. We're hittin' Sears, honey, the only place I know of that sells two-piece (yes, it has to be a 2-piece, have you looked at me?) bathing suits in plus sizes for under $80 total. OK JC Penny but Tanforan mall creeps me out (I think that's where the internment camp was in WWII, right?) and I believe that's where the Penny's is. So we're going to hit the softer side of Sears. Are you with me?
Medical symptoms/status part:
Well, first things first: my CA-125 came back NORMAL. Yes, normal, like, well, like yours would come back...just barely in the normal range, but in it. So this is VERY good news. Theoretically, it means the chemo is working (I have been having grave, and I mean that in every sense of the word, doubts b/c of the pain I;ve been having this week). The CA-125 is a 'tumor marker'; I don't know exactly how it works but it is right now the only blood test for ovca (ovarian cancer). On the other hand, we have no way of explaining why I have the same exact pain and bloating I had just before I went in the hospital, which was caused by fluid buildup (ascites pro: uh-site-ees)from the giganto tumor in my gut. So I had a CT scan yesterday after chemo (just can't get enough!) and that will give us more info.
The CT scan machine is currently being housed in a trailer out back of the hospital. I didn't know what to think when the orderly was taking me to the wrong (ie not Radiology on 4th) floor, and then outside...but the face of the woman who runs the machine (I recognized her from last time) and the fact that there was the enormous donut-shaped machine which cost more than any house I could ever hope to live in, reassured me. The fact that the trailer shook when she walked across the floor (and she is not a fat babe!), not to mention in yesterday's strong winds, did not. I called my sister for her contrast fluid recipe :) she told me to add Crystal Light "to taste" (who knew she had a sense of humor?)and it helped. That shit is nasty. But I've swallowed worse...although not in recent memory.
Actually, that last part isn't true, but it was funnier. The liquid I was supposed to drink pre-surgery was way worse even than the contrast fluid for the CT scan and I puked it right back up. So far, that's the only vomiting I've experienced, for which you have no idea how grateful I am. Watching my mom during her chemo and radiation experience 20 years ago had put the fear into me, but they have much better anti-nausea drugs now. So I guess there have been some improvments, although some would say that that is simply more money to be made for the pharmaceutical companies, and we need to spend those research dollars on a cure and early detection tests (word up to Ravenlight!)
Going in M--F for nupogen (white cell booster) and Procrit (red cell booster, 1x only) shots at St. Lukes. I'm quite a frequent visitor there these days. When the St. Luke's rep came up to me at the movie night they sponsored and asked if I wanted to know about St Lukes, I replied "I know everything I need to know about St. Lukes, thanks!". Sheesh, is there no escape????? :) But the outdoor movie was cool, if yr not Marilyn you missed a great time hanging out with us in Dolores Park. But fear not, there will be other times.
Is anyone still reading this?
XXXL, Heather |
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| need help w/graphic images |
[May. 19th, 2004|01:33 pm] |
OK so I scanned a new picture into my computer and I chose the "adjust to make it small" option but it is still too big. What do I do? Thanks.
xxxl hm |
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| Chemo Day: fun for the whole family!! |
[May. 19th, 2004|01:18 pm] |
If you are on lovetroopers then you can get this there; otherwise, this is an indication of where things stand right now. XXXL, Heather
Hello there. So I have chemo scheduled for this Friday. Perhaps you are wondering why everything is so last-minute but let me hurry to say that it is not, contrary to populary held (and, I'm afraid, totally justified) belief that I am procrastinating w/my email announcements. I had to wait until I got bloodwork results, and then I asked them to move it forward to give me 2 extra days to heal before NAAFA's Fat Fest (where I am scheduled to give a workshop and perform)and I had to wait until my oncologist called me back, which just happened this morning (after I paged him and called his cell phone, of course). Although in general he is pretty good about getting back to me.
So anyways, chemo Friday assuming my blood cell count is still high enough. I go in tomorrow for that test, as well as an ultrasound to determine if I have ascites fluid (like before the surgery) b/c I have all the same symptoms that I did the two weeks before I went into the hospital. I am trying not to freak out, but I'm not being too successful. The oncologist says it's unlikely that it's tumor activity, but we don't have any idea what else could be producing the exact same symptoms. I'll have a CA-125 (tumor marker) blood test on chemo day and he may schedule me for a CT scan at that time.
Do you really want to know about this stuff? I know some do and I warned you in the subject line so hopefully that's enough :)
I'm experiencing neuopathy, which is (usually) temporary nerve damage in the hands and feet, numbness and tingling but I can still walk and hold things so it could be WAY worse. Pain all day every day, but nothing I can't handle yet (knock wood). Slowly losing eyebrows and eyelashes. And who knew how useful nose hair was? I bet you take YOURS for granted, eh?? Well don't, b/c it serves an important purpose! :) hee hee. no, I'm not kidding but I am trying to be funny.
If you have time to come visit me during chemo on Friday, I'd love to have visitors. I am not in a transfusion center, I am alone in a hospital room and it can get kind of boring and depressing. Some friends have come with me at various times and it is always better for them to be there. At first I thought I'd try to meditate but since I was never very good at it before I really kind of suck at it now. So I might as well have visitors; maybe we can visualize together? Or not.
XXXL, Heather 748-0702 day of chemo; 934-9452 in general. |
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| virgin Live Journal entry |
[May. 6th, 2004|10:50 am] |
okay so i'm caving in to public demand...just like when i got on friendster, and i don't feel at all guilty that i seldom am anywhere near friendster, all this communication seems a bit overmuch when i can barely get out of bed some mornings (yes this being one of them). but my strange and sexy twin hotties (no, not my tits, my friends the Mackenzie sisters) have this fascination for intimate medical details and others seem to want more regular updates than phone cards can provide, so here I am. my grammer and punctuation will be inconsistent if today is any indication so fret not dear ones.
i must admit the pressure is on since all my lj friends are super witty and interesting writers and i don't have the energy to craft such prose so it will be maybe boring but you asked for it. if you hate it and no one comments i'll just stop the whole thing and not take offense, for real.
also you can go to 'lovetroopers' it's the name of my yahoo group to let folks know what's up w/me. email me at macallisterotr@yahoo.com for more info. |
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